Squeal of Fortune (part one)

Announcer
Welcome to Squeal of Fortune, the game that pits you against your own worst fears. And now let's welcome your favorite game show host, the master of fun and fear himself Mister Guy Smiley! (applause)
Guy
And of course here with us today is our own lovely Miss Vanna Black. (applause) We'd like to welcome Vanna back from Our Sister of Fate Memorial Hospital where she was recuperating from our very exciting last show. You may remember last week when contestant Mr. Hardly Normal after loosing all his winnings made this outrageous dare-
Hardly Normal (in TV screen)
"Hey, Guy, I'll tell you what. No wheel spin, , no questions, and no money. If I'll match Vanna limb for limb."
Guy
Hardly's left hand amputation was a bold move but Vanna was able to match and even raise the stakes to a whole arm before she passed out and had to be rushed from the studios.
Vanna
I want to thanks all the home viewers for the lovely cards and letters wishing me well. You sure know how to make a girl feel whole. (waves with her remaining arm)
Guy
Vanna will be gesturing from the left side of our stage from now on. So, let's get on with "Squeal of Fortune!" the game inspired by that age old childhood game we all have played, "Which would you rather do freeze to death or burn to death? Loose your eyes or ears." Tough choices as a kid and even tougher choices for our daring guests. Bill? and who are our guests today.
Announcer
Well, Guy, welcome back reigning champion and traveling potato salesperson, Bob Smith. (applause)
Guy
Bob, great to have you on the show again. Where are you from?
Bob (has patch on one eye)
Well, Guy, I'm from Boise, Idaho birthplace of Tater Tots. (applause) If I can I'd like to say hi to my brother, my two goldfish and my parrot, Twinkie. (Judges pin his arms so he can't wave)
Guy
I'm sorry, Bob, you know we can't let you do that. (Bob is restrained)
Announcer
Now meet two very attached twins from our studio audience, Mary and Merry.(applause, they enter as attached twins)
Guy
What lovely young ladies. Mary and Merry? Don't people ever get you two confused.
Mary
Oh no Guy, we're never confused.
Guy
Ah, I mean, don't people get confused over which of you which?
Merry
No that's why we have the same name, Guy. Are you confused?
Guy
Ah no, not really... Bill let's bring on our final guest.
Announcer
Right, Guy, that would be Big Bonnie Belcher.(applause)
Guy
Nice to have on the show Bonnie.
Bonnie
I'm sure it is.
Guy
Bonnie, tell us a bit about your hobbies.
Bonnie
Well, Guy, I only have one hobby and that's eating. I like food, Guy. I like to eat food. Lots of food whenever I can. Yeah, I'd have to say my hobby is food.
Guy
OK, that's great and don't we all like food (applause). Before we get started just a reminder to our home viewers. We are trained and certified professionals at Squeal of Fortune. Don't try these stunts at home. Now let's get started with our first round and spin the Wheel of Squeal. Vanna are we ready? (she points to wheel.) Bob, as champion you have the honor of the first spin.
Bob
Ah no that's OK let Bonnie go first.
Bonnie
Ah no thanks how 'bout those two girls. They look anxious.
Guy
Judges? (they nod heads) I'm sorry, Bob, the judges say fair is fair and that means you get the first spin.
Bob (forced to spin wheel)
Come on Big Money Big Money (Wheel stops on "Big Money- Big Money")
Guy
Big Money- Big Money. (applause) All right Bob. For 7,777 dollars and the right to dare a contestant would you rather cut off your hand with a carrot peeler, slowly swallow ten used razors from our decaying employee lounge or go for the big question.
Bob
Gee, Guy that's a tough one but I think I'll have to go for the question.
Guy
Good choice, Bob. Now, no coaching from the studio audience. Bob, for 7,777 dollars or something really really nasty, "What is 1 plus 2?"
Bob
That'd be three, Guy.
Guy
No I'm really sorry, Bob, but the answer is three.
Bob
Three. that's what I said. Three. Three. Three.
Guy
Judges? (nod heads in unison) Too bad, Bob. The judges say the answer was three. Looks like we'll have to poke you in the eye with a sharp stick.
Bob
Not the eye again, Guy. Come on not- (he gets poked) Ahhhhh.
Guy
What a trooper. And now it's time for a word from our sponsor.
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